how we talk about ourselves matters
How we talk about ourselves matters.
How we talk about our bodies matters.
The language we choose to talk about our embodied experience can either connect us more deeply to ourselves, or it can disconnect us from ourselves by fragmenting ourselves into unrelated parts.
Instead of experiencing ourselves as a whole, integrated being, we make our bodies into an “it” when we say “my back” or “my neck” hurts, for example.
We try to separate ourselves from our body parts, especially the ones that are giving us trouble.
We might do this for many reasons. “If I could just fix my ____, then I’ll be happy; then my trouble will go away; then I’ll be free.”
This self-othering is a fallacy that will not bring the relief we might be seeking.
Consider this: Your back isn’t separate from you. Your back is you. You are your back.
The possibility for relief comes from connection.
Connecting more deeply to yourself by building awareness around your sensations will support you to better understand the messages your body is communicating to you.
Then we can get to the feeling underneath the sensation, rather than trying to fix or get rid of the sensation.
One way we can strengthen this connection to ourselves is by exploring the language we use to talk about our bodies.
Try this if you’re willing to explore:
When you talk about “my back,” what if you try saying “I” instead?
My back is hurting —> I am hurting
My back is tense —> I am tense
My back is compressed —> I am compressed
Pause. Allow these words to settle in you.
Does something shift in you when you use “I” instead of a body part?
Can you imagine speaking this phrase to someone who cares about you?
For me, this language shift touches something tender in my heart and I feel myself soften in my chest.
What about you?
Try this next layer if you’re curious to keep exploring:
When you’re talking about your embodied experience, what if you try using active language instead of passive language*?
I am compressed —> I am compressing myself … because? in response to? in order to prevent?
I am tense —> I am tensing myself … because? in response to? in order to prevent?
*Active phrases are about what you do, whereas passive phrases are about what happens to you.
Pause. Allow these words to settle inside yourself.
Does something shift in you when you use active language vs passive language?
What bubbled up in you when you filled in the blanks using the prompts?
Can you imagine speaking this phrase to someone you trust?
For me, using active language awakens me to my (body’s) inherent wisdom: “I am tensing myself because I feel afraid.” And then I can attend to my feeling (fear) instead of trying to fix my sensation (tension).
What about you?
If we keep fragmenting ourselves into body parts, we might always keep our underlying feelings at a distance. (There may have been good reason for us to keep certain feelings at a distance until now, until we have the support to be with them more fully.)
When we move further away from our underlying feelings, the sensations (messages) tend to become stronger and/or move around to different places, intensifying until we are supported and able to pause and listen and bring curiosity to our experience.
Using “I” instead of a body part is one way to build awareness around our sensations in order to gain deeper understanding of our (body’s) wisdom and adaptability.
Consider this: You are already whole.
For further exploration around sensation and embodied wisdom, check out:
When the Body Says No by Gabor Maté
https://drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score
