from gratitude list to wholeness map
From Gratitude List to Wholeness Map: an inclusive sphere of awareness
I’ve never loved a gratitude list. Making a gratitude list has often felt like a painstaking process to me, that always seems to somehow miss the whole picture. Like I’m forcing a smile on my face that isn’t real. (How do you feel about gratitude lists?)
I know this isn’t the case for everyone. Sometimes seeing your delights listed all in one place can invite clarity. There can be real support in shifting your focus to something else after feeling stuck in a seemingly insurmountable problem for a long time.
That being said, here’s my beef:
A gratitude list makes me feel as though I have to fake it. Like I have to push aside the less comfortable parts of my experience in order to be “good” or “happy”: things I’ve said or done that I feel badly about, shame, fear, discomfort, complaining, disagreements. A gratitude list sends me the message that I can only focus on pleasurable things, forcing myself to be grateful and happy even when I am suffering or feeling stuck. As though feeling grateful is more important than struggling. As if gratitude is more worthy than suffering.
But here’s the thing:
Suffering is transformational.
Suffering is a sacred part of the human experience.
Suffering with awareness and support builds resilience.
So now what? I needed to try something different that let me meet myself where I was, not where I felt I should be. I love lists. I love journalling. I love mind maps. So … Instead of a gratitude list, I thought, what about a Wholeness Map.
A Wholeness Map can be list or mind map or doodle that supports me to be with ALL parts of my experience without censoring myself. I can write down EVERYTHING that’s going on for me right now - not just what’s tricky in my life, and not just what’s sweet - and see it all laid out in one place.
So I set out to make an experiment. I doodled some versions of this Wholeness Map in a notebook and settled on this one, which I called a sphere:
As I filled in the circle with a whole range of thoughts and feelings - environmental crisis causing me anxiety, new scented candle bringing me sensory delight each morning, lingering migraine symptoms, homemade vegetarian shepherd’s pie in the freezer - I began to feel a loosening in my shoulders, and an expansion in my chest. My face muscles released. I felt some relief.
Seeing my whole range of experience contained within the circle - from deep hurts to mild irritations to neutral meh’s to expansive delights - actually gives me a richer sense of gratitude. I become more aware of my capacity to contain multitudes, my ability to be aware of a multitude of experiences, without having to censor myself or create a hierarchy of experience.
What comes to you as you consider exploring your own version of a Wholeness Map? Perhaps you riff on this idea and create your own gratitude list, or maybe you play with a Grievance List or Grudge List. As long as we are making our lists with awareness, choice, and intentionality, the creativity will be a huge support.
